79: Signing out for the summer

Like a lot of the news industry, Media Scrum is taking a break for a month or so, because it's been a hell of a year, and we're going outside to sit in the sun for a while.

We've been ranting and raving for nearly a year now, and none of us thought we'd last that long, but we keep coming up with new things to moan about, so we're not going anywhere.

It's also a good chance for a bit of reflection. The Media Scrum crew have had the chance to expose some of their core beliefs on this site, and we're standing by all of them.

This is some of what we believe:

* The first rule of journalism is still 'fill the fucking space'.

* The second rule is 'you can't do journalism on an empty stomach'.

*The third rule is now apparently 'don't sexually abuse people, you fuckers', and we're embarrassed and ashamed that this has to be spelled out like this.

* The NZ news industry is full of great people doing tremendous work every single day, and most of them don't get enough recognition for their efforts, and it's no wonder so many of them are buggering off overseas.

* There are also some jerks.

* But no matter who they are, the hours are shit for everybody. No wonder it's becoming more of a young person's game.

* The news media is bigger than it looks, and can't be tied down as any one thing.

* Time is not on our side, and bullshit 'pivot to video' strategies are not helping.

* Scoops are everything, but they're not the only thing.

* Breaking news banners are broken.

* We're always falling down a photo hole, looking for that perfect shot. It doesn't mean we can just rip off a Facebook post for fun and profit.

* Never, ever read the comments.

* No, seriously, nobody gives a shit about your ideology

* Some people just want to burn the world down for the LOLs.

* You can't predict the weather or the traffic, but you can still report on it.

* The future is unwritten, but it won't be written by robots.

* There is great journalism everywhere, if you can be bothered to look.

* But too much 'look at me, look at me' going on.

* Anybody who keeps going on about fake news just sounds like a moron.

* We're too fucking white.

* We need to remember the easy mistakes.

* It's easy to laugh at the bloopers, but newsreaders are still humans under that make-up.

* Winston Peters is a total arsehole. Fuck him, a lot.

* The big news sites have far too much junk in their trunk.

* You might be right, but you don't have to be a dick about it.

* It's an endless cycle of bullshit, blatant disrespect and crap pay for journalists in this country, and we still fucking love it.

Happy holidays, everybody! See you in 2018.

78. You can't do journalism on an empty stomach

Journalists are dealing with a lot of shit these days, including shrinking newsrooms, vastly increased workloads and an audience that often gets downright hostile. The industry is rife with sexual harrassment, people are being served with legal papers because they did their fuckin' job, and people are just dicks to you, like, all the fucking time.

These are some big issues to wrestle with, but when it comes to getting through the workday, it's all about the food, because you just can't do good journalism on an empty stomach.

You can't come up with a proper intro or audio cut when you're stomach is grumbling away, and any kind of dedicated writing and editing requires some serious brain power, and all that mental processing needs fuel to keep you going, or you'll just crash, and get nothing done. If you're out in the field, you might spend hours sitting in a hot car waiting for somebody to show up, and any food is welcome on the stake-out.

And yet, journos have the worst eating habits, and can often blame the job for their nutritional deficiencies. Shift work has a lot to answer for - workers on the late shift might only be getting dinner-level hungry late in the day, and the options become terribly limited, and those who are forced to take lunch breaks in the late afternoon might have to chance the dodgy sushi in that shop across the road, or some other shitty fast food, because there ain't many other options.

Journos who are out the road might go most of a day without ever finding the time to cram something into their gob to keep them going, or could be way out in the middle of nowhere, far from civilization, with nothing but a half a pack of breath mints to keep them going. The killer adrenaline rush of chasing down a big news story will carry you a long, long way, but it can't do it forever.

Meanwhile, subs and online editors might find themselves chained to their desk for a full eight hours straight, barely able to pop out for a slimy dairy pie and a packet of Doritos. When you're working in the news business, anything could happen at any moment, and that's part of the appeal. But it also means a major international incident could break out while you're in the bathroom.

Plans for a decent lunch break can be totally wiped out when breaking news suddenly hits, right before you step away for a minute, and it can be a long time before you get the chance to sort something out again - breaking news is notoriously inconvenient like that

In the Ocean's 11 movies, there is a recurring joke where Brad Pitt's character is always eating weird snacks all through the films, whenever you see him. The actor's reasoning for this was his character was someone who was always wheeling and dealing, and never sat down for a proper meal, so just had to snack his way through the day to keep his energy levels up.

Working in a modern newsroom feels like that sometimes, even if only a select few of us are as pretty as Brad Pitt.  We'll gorge on foods that are full of saturated fats and sugar, because we've got too much work to do.

It gets good when it's election night or some other big event - those who have to work on Christmas Day (which, in newspapers, is always busier than Christmas eve, because you're always working one day ahead), usually get a decent spread to help alleviate the fact you can't spend it with your loved ones. At the very least, the poor souls working while everyone else is at the barbecue usually bring some kind of tasty treat into the office.

Because, make no mistake, even the most seasoned and jaded journos will seize upon any free food sent to the office, they will descend on it like fucking seagulls. It doesn't matter if a lot of the food that shows up comes from PR companies, most journos will just take the food and ignore the message. 

You can't actually buy a journalist with a doughnut, but they might still love you for it, for as long as the taste lingers.

Look, the news media isn't the only industry where workers can be struggling to keep their energy levels up as they work long hours. It's part of modern life. It's just that journalism is a business where you will crucified for missing out on some big breaking news, just because you needed to duck out and get a fuckin' burger, and you were stuck on a shift with no back-up.

No wonder so many reporters and editors and producers eat at their desk, it's the only way to keep going as the news piles up.

- Ron Troupe

77: Should Radio NZ use so much Māori language?

Āe.

Of course it fucking should. Keeping te reo alive is a mark of distinction and honour for this country, and anything that can be used to make it more ubiquitous must be encouraged and nurtured.

RNZ should use more - it's just one tiny step in the long road to overcoming the bullshit Maori have had to put up with for the past two centuries, but at least it's a step in the right direction.

There is no argument against this that isn't fundamentally racist, so there really isn't much more to say. Te reo is here to stay. 

Anybody who has a problem with that needs to grow the fuck up and join the 21st century. We won't be waiting for you to catch up for much longer.

- Perry White